Whether it’s the limited time Duos mode or the fact that it’s cuffing season, something in the air has us thinking about our favorite Apex Legends characters in an intimate light.
But rather than fashioning these fantasies into Reddit-worthy erotic fanfic, we instead sought to compile the game’s characters in terms of their kissability. Here’s our list of candidates for a consensual mile-high makeout session in the dropship.
12 Least Kissable: Caustic
I hope Caustic finds love someday. But “death-obsessed mad scientist” isn’t a great look on a potential kissing partner. Plus I’d hate to think how this character might smell after a day of handling NOX gas. As far as the game’s most kissable characters, Caustic is a no-go. But seeing him in a dapper suit and watching him smile over something other than bloodlust might change my mind.
11 Unkissable, But Worth A Try Anyway: Pathfinder
Pathfinder is adorable, but I’m not sure there’s even a way to kiss this lipless robot. Do I go for the piece of metal that makes up his head? Or is it the monitor on his chest?
I’m not even sure what robot intimacy looks like, grapple-polishing jokes aside. So, I’m self-demoting myself to the friend zone and I’m sure Pathfinder would want to do the same.
Isn’t that right, friend?
10 Intimidatingly Kissable: Bangalore
There are a lot of people out there who are interested in someone as strong, dedicated and passionate as Bangalore.
And then there’s me, who’s terrified of this woman.
I’d love to see a softer side of this character to decide whether she’s kissable. What’s she like on her off days? Is she a whiskey drinker or does she prefer red wine? Maybe beneath that tough exterior, she’s the type who likes to go apple picking in the fall and knit crochet blankets for her friends’ babies.
I know so little about you, Bangalore. But one thing I’d love to know is whether you’re a good kisser.
9 Literally Not Kissable: Bloodhound
The challenge with Bloodhound is that I’m not even sure how I’d go about kissing them. Do they take off their mask? Or am I supposed to somehow tongue them through it?
The game’s lore says Bloodhound may be part bat. Look, I’m fine with robots and alien beings. But once it gets into animal territory, that’s pushing it a bit too far — mostly because I’m terrified of the human-animal hybrid anatomy.
8 Hesitantly Kissable: Crypto
Thoughtful. Mysterious. Intense. You’re making me swoon here, Crypto. Not to mention that big D energy.
(D as in “drone.” Did you think I meant something else?)
I’m a fan of those big brain strategies. But I worry that kissing Crypto means the Solace equivalent of Interpol will come knocking at my door and I’ll be indicted for aiding some cause I don’t even understand.
But it’s worth it if he’s a good kisser.
7 Kissable For The Rush: Octane
Octane’s another character that I’m not sure how, exactly, I would kiss. I’d have to find a way to navigate through that mask and it seems like the plastic and metal would hurt.
My concern is whether this speed freak is a good kisser. A good kiss is slow and smooth, but Octane doesn’t have time for that. And since I’m not into the “Let’s get to this as fast as possible” style of kissing, it’s probably better if we both bounce out of this pairing.
But rumor has it he’s pretty dang good looking under that mask.
6 French Kissable: Wattson
Wattson is sweet, silly and super smart. In fact, she might just be the smartest woman in the Frontier — she did master quantum laser mechanics to create the Ring, after all. A charming engineer who’s friendly, calm and sciency but not Caustic-level mad? A chance to kiss her would be… electrifying.
Je t’aime de tout mon coeur, pour toujours, Wattson.
5 Regrettably Kissable: Mirage
Mirage is hot, athletic, and confident. But Mirage also isn’t the brightest crayon in the box.
I’d make out with Mirage at a bar after a few drinks. I’d probably initiate the kiss because I find him attractive but I’d also want him to stop talking. And, while there’s a piece of me that believes we’d exchange numbers and never talk to each other again, it’s more likely that he’d call incessantly, become borderline obsessive and then blow up at me on Twitter after I told him I wasn’t interested in anything serious.
I can already picture what he’d say:
4 “Going Through a Phase” Kissable: Wraith
My parents weren’t fans of the boyfriend who was an active member of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster. So they’re definitely not going to like the one who claims she communicates with voices from other dimensions.
Ironically, this is exactly why I like her.
Wraith’s the type of person I’d kiss when the mood is exactly right. We’re drinking hot toddies, enjoying a romantic evening of discussing the latest Area 51 conspiracy theories when I decide to plant one on her.
But I know the type. Eventually, she’ll phase right through my heart, leaving a void in my soul.
3 Crushingly Kissable: Gibraltar
Apex Legends players are quick to call out Gibby as a “Thicc Boi.” But, hey… that just means there’s more to snuggle. And, you know what they say…. “The bigger the thick, the bigger the… gun.”
(Disclaimer: No one says that.)
Like his name implies, Gibraltar seems like a rock-solid partner. He’s there to protect and defend. He’s also extremely friendly and personable, with his buddies’ and his boy-toys’ best interests at heart.
Gibby, take that dome shield off those kissable lips and let me at ‘em.
2 Apex Champion, Kissableness Edition: Lifeline
There’s a reason players call her “Wifeline.” Ajay Che is sarcastic and tough, but she’s also a compassionate and caring person. Her choice to be a medic proves she has a good heart. Pair that with a unique sense of style and her musical talents and she’s a total catch.
As a strong, fearless woman on the front lines, she’s not only a great teammate but an inspiration to all.
10/10, would kiss.
1 Kiss This List Goodbye
Our kissable characters list is meant to be an homage to the game’s complex and complicated legends. Fortunately, I’m not actually planning to kiss any video game characters.
That is, unless someone wants to tell me the name of the bar where that Mirage guy works so I can “accidentally” swing by for a drink or three on a quiet night. It’s cuffing season, after all.
